Onnie (onyxobsidian) wrote,
Onnie
onyxobsidian

This is the day

Did I let myself get too attatched to this guy? It's hard to say. I haven't allowed myself to get close to anyone in what seems like a long time for me. But he was different. Something so pure and honest about him... and a bonus of the package was the fact that he is a very cute guy with, from the little I've seen, greatly toned body.
We spent our first date walking around, bowling, eating, and having a good time. We then talked every day until we saw each other the following week. We walked about how we would unpack his stuff in his new apartment on Sunday. He mentioned how he was a bit disappointed that he hadn't kissed me the first time, so we made up for that the 2nd time.
The 2nd time, we went to a Casino, we walked around the outside of my school, we ate, and then we had a nap on top of a parking garage. He took me home and told me to keep the phone close by so he could call if he gets lost.
He didn't call that night, so I went to bed after about 20 minutes. I was so excited again... to hear from him. I sat in the house all day after school waiting for his call, staying offline to make sure he got through. I left a voicemail message hinting that I wanted to hear from him. Several hours later, I left another saying I would like to know if he got home safe, so he should call me. When he didn't, I cried a little. I felt stupid, but I really like this guy and was worried. It's been so long since I've had actual feelings like this for a person.
The next day was the same thing. I left him one message, but he didn't call. I went to bed devastated.
A friend wanted to take me on a date sometime... I told him the other day that it was not a good idea, because I wanted to persue things with Jeff. I wanted to make sure things go well, and that Jeff and I might be something of an item some day.
Now it's Saturday. He hasn't called, and supposedly I'm supposed to help him move tomorrow. I am at loss of what to think.
Is he a total flake and is rubbing me off? Did I say something wrong or do something or he found something he didn't like about me? Is he just really busy with work and hasn't had a chance to call? Is he playing hard to get? Is he afraid of getting too close? Does he not want to make it seem like he is pushing too hard to get closer to me? Did he, in fact, not make it home that night? If he didn't, there would be really no way for me to know that.
He can't just not like me or something. He's told me again and again how much he likes me, and how cute I am and how he likes spending time with me. He is not the kind of person who would just say those things and then blow someone off. He's so genuine... I hope.
I need something to take my mind off of it. I need to get out of the house and find something to do, and then come back and check the caller ID and see if he has called. I need a cell phone so I can call him since I can't call long distance. I found 4 McDonalds in Lynnwood, so I should call and ask if a Jeff works there as the shift manager and ask if he's shown up to work. If he is hurt, I would like to know.
I am not ready to admit that he is blowing me off. I know he is better than that. I know he likes me more than to do that. Maybe not as much as I like him, but enough even still.
People just can't do these things to me.
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